Cutting and Self Harm, General Advice. Options

[Finality]

General
Firstly.
Identify the reasons why you are self-harming.
Is it
-To fit in?
-To feel 'cool' or different?
-For attention?
-To shock people?
-To 'compete' with other self-harmers, whether online or in real life?
-To block out thoughts you don't want to experience?
-To block out mental or emotional pain or depression?
-As a release of sorts?
-To 'deal' with stress?
-To give you a sense of control over your feelings?
-To stop feeling numb and apathetic?
-To have a way of physically showing people how you're hurting emotionally?

Whatever your reasons, you're not alone in wanting to fit in, or having trouble coping.

But harming yourself is not a constructive way of doing things. Self-harm can release endorphins, which can make you feel happier, but can also be addictive, which is why it can sometimes be difficult to stop cutting, etc.

Stress Or Anger
Exercise also releases endorphins, and it's also a great way of dealing with stress and anger. So it's one viable alternative to self-harm, I know running always makes me feel calmer. You could also try punching a pillow or a punching bag, ripping up paper or something similar, screaming, or dancing fast, if you're feeling very angry, and yoga is an effective way of dealing with stress.

To fit in/Feel different
If you want to fit in (with the emo trend, etc) or feel cool or different, there are far better ways of doing it.
If you are doing it to feel cool, it can be difficult to accept that that is the reason you're self-harming. At least consider the possibility, and try to be honest with yourself. Don't get defensive- if you have been cutting for this reason, isn't it better to admit it to yourself? You don't have to tell anyone else, and there's no need to be ashamed. You have made a silly mistake, but there is no use in feeling angry with yourself. The best thing to do, in this case, is to simply take control. Put it down to experience (a bad experience, granted) and put it behind you. There is, I repeat, absolutely no need to be ashamed of yourself. Everyone makes mistakes.
The need to feel cool or different or special to such an extent can be related to poor self-esteem. Be proud of who you are. You are your own unique person, and you don't need to follow trends, or in this case harm yourself, to stand out or be special. Have respect for yourself, and so will everyone else. I used to self-harm for this reason (among others- I had serious self-esteem issues) when I was younger, and while I regret it, I've put it behind me and moved on with my life. And so can anyone- just realise that you are special and worthy of other people's respect. Pick a good role model, identify what you respect about that person, and aspire to have those traits or abilities yourself.

To Shock People Or For Attention
This also relates to a lack of self-esteem. If you feel you are overlooked, under-appreciated or ignored, or that you 'fade into the background', it can lead to self-harm, as you feel you need any kind of attention- even if it's negative. That's where shocking people comes into it- you feel you need any kind of attention.
Self-harm is not the way to go about getting attention. I'm sure that, deep down, you know that too.
I know how it can feel to be ignored- it feels awful. You feel worthless-

"why would anyone care about me?"

"why would anyone want to talk to me?"

"why would anyone value my opinion?"

I've been there, I know how it feels to think of yourself as inferior.
And if people accuse you of cutting for attention it can feel even worse- especially if they're sanctimonious and take on a holier-than-thou attitude.

So I'm not going to preach at anyone here. But I will say this- you are not inferior. You are just as good as everyone else. Find something you're good at- if it's not sport, art, or music, maybe you give great advice. Maybe you're great at listening when a friend needs to talk. Perhaps you're fantastic at debating. Not everyone's talents are clearly evident, you just have to be open-minded about everything and be willing to try anything once.
Again, respect yourself and other people will too. You don't need to engage in self-destructive behaviour to get attention. You're better than that.

To Block Out Emotional Pain Or Thoughts
In this case, you might benefit from professional counselling.

I'll try to advise you as best I can though. If you're finding it hard to cope with life in general, or specifically with emotions/thoughts, you need to identify exactly what the problem is.
Sometimes people who have been abused in the past blame themselves for what happened, and use self-harm as some sort of punishment. If this is the case, you need to realise that what happened was NOT your fault, regardless of whatever anybody tells you. You did NOT deserve it. Anybody who tells you otherwise is in need of a good serving of reality.
You don't have to let the actions of someone else ruin your life- all you can do is put it behind you and move on with your life. Easier said than done, but you have to try.

If people try to insult you, etc. just remember that really, they do not matter. When people throw around insults and abuse, really, they're just showing the kind of people they are- it doesn't say anything about the people they try to insult. The opinions of the kind of people who abuse others lose all validity- in the bigger picture, abusive people just fade into the background. By rights, nobody should give them a second thought.

If you're cutting to block something out, just remember that there are better ways of dealing with things. Cutting doesn't solve the underlying problem- you're going to have to address it sooner or later. And honestly- the sooner the better.

For A Sense Of Control Or To Stop Feeling Numb
If you're feeling numb or apathetic and just want to feel anything, cutting isn't the way to go. It's a really dangerous way of dealing with this.
One safe way to feel something is to put a rubber band around your wrist and snap it, but not so hard that it bruises. Or you could hold ice cubes in your hand and try to crush them or take a cold shower. Or chew something with a very strong flavour, e.g. chilli peppers- this can be a good one, as it's likely to make you laugh, and it's been proven that laughing makes you happier.

If you feel you need something you can control in your life, instead try taking control of your life. How you can do this differs on a case-by-case basis, but just remember that there is no shame in needing help. We all need help sometimes, if you feel stuck, or lost, or that you just don't know what to do, talk to an adult you trust. If you're young, it's very unlikely that your friends will be able to help you...but, they might be able to encourage you to seek help. If you feel you really can't talk to anyone other than a friend, make sure it's someone who is trustworthy.
Or if you just can't bring yourself to talk to anyone in real life, our help and advice section might just help you if you post about the problem there- don't exaggerate, though, and try to explain as calmly as you can. That'll help us to give you the best and most relevant advice we're capable of.

Competing With Other Self-Harmers
If you're doing this, I think you just need to take a step back and look at what you're doing. What do you achieve by this? This can be particularly dangerous- you don't want to kill yourself, but there's always a possibility that you accidentally could. You also pose a serious risk of paralysis if you cut too deeply. Can you imagine how awful it would be to be paralysed in one arm for the rest of your life? All because you felt compelled to win at self harm? If you really feel the need to win at something, make it something constructive, something that's actually of some worth. A sport, a musical instrument, heck- a game of monopoly!
I think the most important thing to realise in this case is that you're not really winning anything by cutting deeper than other people- all you're doing is hurting yourself and the people who care about you.

To Show People How You're Feeling On The Inside, Or To Have Some Sort Of Tangible Evidence Of Your Feelings/Emotions
You need to tell someone! If you feel that people don't understand you, help them to understand.
Talk to someone about how you're feeling- be it a counsellor, a parent, a religious leader (rabbi, priest, minister, etc) a teacher or a trusted friend.

General Self-Harm Related Tips
-Tell someone who lives with you that you are self-harming, and explain why. Make sure that they understand that you want to stop, and that it's not their fault. You may feel so paranoid that they'll find you cutting that you'll stop altogether.
However, if you feel that you have the willpower to stop cutting by yourself, and especially if your parents absolutely would not understand (e.g. If they have expressed hatred for self-harmers (although that's taking it to an extreme)), it may not be the best idea to tell them. Instead, turn to a teacher or another adult you trust, if you need help.

-By self-harming, you're not just hurting yourself, but all the people who care about you too, when (and not if) they find out. They will find out eventually.

-Cutting becomes addictive because of the endorphins it releases. If you feel you're addicted, it's best to seek help.
Exercise does release endorphins too, though, so it may be a way to help deal with the addiction. Like all addictions, though, it requires willpower to quit. But you CAN quit. Don't just try to quit, just quit. Throw away whatever you're using to cut yourself, and just don't cut. It might be hard, but you CAN do it.

If you have anything to add, or any questions or disputes, please PM me.
-.vagrant

[Finality]

I'm opening this temporarily for feedback. Is it ok?

[Jessticles]

Wow, long thread Toni.

Although I wouldn't really be able to relate THAT well to the self-harming problem, the advice seems to me to be pretty sound advice. It's logical, good advice and doesn't seem to be patronising to me, which is the usual complaint if people ask for advice

[Finality]

Wow, long thread Toni.

Although I wouldn't really be able to relate THAT well to the self-harming problem, the advice seems to me to be pretty sound advice. It's logical, good advice and doesn't seem to be patronising to me, which is the usual complaint if people ask for advice

Yeah, and it was all done on a phone, too. And without predictive text.
I figured I was taking the wrong approach to helping people to stop self-harming before, I'm hoping this is better.

[Jessticles]

Yeah, and it was all done on a phone, too. And without predictive text.
I figured I was taking the wrong approach to helping people to stop self-harming before, I'm hoping this is better.

Good god, someone out there owes you
That is one HELL of an effort
Dedication right there.

It shows in the final result though I guess =]

[Adam G Manning]

Holyshitdicks.

Well done.

[AFC]

Reminds me of the thread's I posted quite a few months back. Do you remember those?

[yagami_r0x]

very nice thread...I am a recovering self-harmer, and I can tell you it is very difficult to stop. It becomes just so addictive. And when I started about a year or so ago, I didn't realize how addictive it could be. But yeah, even with all that hurts us emotionally in this world, self-harming isn't the way to go. It does "help" "relieve" the "pain" temporarily, but the physical repocussions just aren't worth it. Not to mention that now you have to deal with hiding it. And I can tell you that hiding it becomes very difficult and bothersome-especially with the coming of warm weather.

[AFC]

very nice thread...I am a recovering self-harmer, and I can tell you it is very difficult to stop. It becomes just so addictive. And when I started about a year or so ago, I didn't realize how addictive it could be. But yeah, even with all that hurts us emotionally in this world, self-harming isn't the way to go. It does "help" "relieve" the "pain" temporarily, but the physical repocussions just aren't worth it. Not to mention that now you have to deal with hiding it. And I can tell you that hiding it becomes very difficult and bothersome-especially with the coming of warm weather.

I'm bound to a wristband for the rest of my life. I can't take it off, ever in public. Or at least until I finish high school, in three years. I haven't cut since last June. My scars still look only a week or so old. I hate them, and myself for ever doing such a thing.

[Finality]

Reminds me of the thread's I posted quite a few months back. Do you remember those?

What, you mean this one? http://www.emo-corner.com/forums/index.php...c=23139&hl=
That's not even remotely similar to mine.
And by the way. I challenged Ryan's reasoning behind 'emo' not meaning 'emotional', and we came to a conclusion that while emo doesn't mean emotional, it's not for the reasons Ryan suggested.

[Finality]

very nice thread...I am a recovering self-harmer, and I can tell you it is very difficult to stop. It becomes just so addictive. And when I started about a year or so ago, I didn't realize how addictive it could be. But yeah, even with all that hurts us emotionally in this world, self-harming isn't the way to go. It does "help" "relieve" the "pain" temporarily, but the physical repocussions just aren't worth it. Not to mention that now you have to deal with hiding it. And I can tell you that hiding it becomes very difficult and bothersome-especially with the coming of warm weather.

It's good to know that you've realised that. It's all downhill from now on, really.
It's when you respect people for self-harming that you're really messed up, and it's good to know that you're not in that mindset.

[AFC]

Lol yep, that's it. Yeah, I do believe Ryan has his flaws, but he's the dude that got me into screamo, and music will always be his best subject.

[yagami_r0x]

Well, I use long sleeve shirts to cover myself up. Don't hate yourself for doing it. Why? Because though it wasn't the best of ideas, it has helped to contribute to who you are today. And something like that can never be 100% bad. At least you (and I) realize things and can choose a better way of coping next time. =]

By the way, do you know where I can find an SI Awareness band? They are orange...I wanna get one, but I don't know where to find it.

[Finality]

Lol yep, that's it. Yeah, I do believe Ryan has his flaws, but he's the dude that got me into screamo, and music will always be his best subject.

Oh I'm not disputing that, and I'll be the first one to say that I, Toni, don't know anything about music.

[BrainSpazm]

-To block out mental or emotional pain or depression?

[forgoten...i...]

-To block out mental or emotional pain or depression?

thats my reason too....plus wanting to feel in control of wut hurts me, any advice?
ive been good for a while, lik a month or two, but they still look pretty newish...but not so much anymore...i dnt think bin pale helps tho...lol

[Finality]

Did you guys read the whole thing?

[BlueBear]

Add on =P
To Show People How You're Feeling On The Inside, Or To Have Some Sort Of Tangible Evidence Of Your Feelings/Emotions:
Write your feelings down on paper. A diary is perfect and this method has been used countless times. Nobody listens to you? Nobody believes what your saying to them? STILL don't resort to cutting. Just maybe use the rubber band technique again. When people realize that your serious then maybe you can continue to reveal your feelings.

Great article Toni. Thoroughly enjoyed reading it. (Which was a bit weird =S)

[Tox]

Whoa, that's a long thread. How long did it take to write? I don't know much about that stuff but it sounds pretty good to me.

[forgoten...i...]

Did you guys read the whole thing?

yeah, but i didnt understand it completely...wutd u say bout my probs again?
srry, im slow